One Whose Honesty is Stronger Than Her Fear (amilyn) wrote,
One Whose Honesty is Stronger Than Her Fear

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Isn't it lovely to live in a sexist culture where women aren't considered real humans?

I've been meaning to post a link to this for a while now. cereta made a post that has spawned lots of thought and discussion that I think is important.

Link 1: On rape and men (Oh yes, I'm going there) by cereta

There is a point in discussions of rape, when the discussion turns from the particular to the systemic, when the idea that, for example, many cultures have a value system that makes men believe they are fundamentally entitled to women's bodies (or time or attention, but mostly bodies), when the exceptionism starts to come out. Say it with me, now: not all men are like that.

And of course, they're not. But you know what? Too damn many of you are, and too damn many of you can be in the right circumstances. And I'm not going to apologize for saying that.


Now, here's my question: where the fuck are you?

Why aren't there more stories of "the guy who got me home when I was seriously drunk and my boyfriend wasn't looking out for me"? And even if the women are too embarrassed to tell them, don't tell me that if this were a common occurrence, that we wouldn't hear a dozen of them every time a Haidl, Nachreiner and Spann appeared in the news?

And yes, you probably have stories of a time when your girlfriend/friend/girl who was at your apartment was drunk and you didn't rape her. And you don't tell them because you don't think that's even a story. And it shouldn't be, but let me tell you: you should start telling them, because those 18-year-old boys who don't think they're bad guys sure aren't listening to us. Maybe they'll listen to you.

The lengthy (over 3600 in number) comments have piles of places where various folks recount the times when they were in vulnerable positions and the men around them DIDN'T rape them. The understood and sad aspect about this that is being (rightly) lamented is how those instances stand out as "special" rather than NORMAL HUMAN BEHAVIOR.

Link 2: "Guidelines for Rape Discussions: For Men (and Women...but mainly men)" by gabrielleabelle is an excellent addendum to cereta's post, along with a list of TERRIFYING--but important--statistics near the bottom.

"Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them." (Margaret Atwood?)

If I assume that any man I meet may rape me, the worst that happens to you, as a male, is that your feelings get hurt.

If I don't assume that any man I meet may rape me, I might get killed.

Sorry, folks, I'll keep up the vigilance.

[redux without comments]
Link 1: On rape and men (Oh yes, I'm going there) by cereta (from FL)

Link 2: "Guidelines for Rape Discussions: For Men (and Women...but mainly men)" by gabrielleabelle (linked by ladysophiekitty)
/[redux without comments]

Link 3: "Bacardi Ad Uses Misogyny to Sell Alcohol to Women" (linked from kyburg

Bacardi's summer ad encourages women to "Get an Ugly Girlfriend" as the best "accessory" to being seen as more attractive.

I sent them FEEDBACK as follows:

I just saw your "Get an Ugly Girlfriend" ad campaign and, as a woman and a mother of a daughter and a teacher of teenagers, I am DEEPLY offended. Bacardi's attempt to capitalize on the body-image fears of women, on the stereotypical standards of women's "beauty" in our culture(s), and on negative attitudes toward women as if their appearances and bodies were the only important thing about them...just in order to sell liquor. It is ill-considered, dangerous, and despicable that anyone would use this tactic.

You can be sure that, although I have never before bought anything other than Bacardi rum, I will not be buying Bacardi products in the future if there is not some kind of recanting of the campaign and apology for the insensitivity and sexist attitudes that campaign tries to use for the company's gain.

ETA: A bonus feminist link, why the "You should just carry the baby to term and place it for adoption" argument is RUBBISH in both emotional and the (one would wish) physical/health endangerment terms (folks who think that abortion is AS risky emotionally an physically, basically, need to GET SOME FACTS).

Link 4: "Breaking the Silence: On Living Pro-Lifers' Choice for Women" (linked a while back...maybe mtgat)

I have given a baby up for adoption, and I have had an abortion, and while anecdotes are not evidence, I can assert that abortions may or may not cause depression - it certainly did not in me, apart from briefly mourning the path not taken - but adoption? That is an entirely different matter. I don't doubt that there are women who were fine after adoption, and there is emphatically nothing wrong with that or with them; but I want to point out that if we're going to have a seemingly neverending discussion about the sorrow and remorse caused by abortion, then it is about goddamn time that we hear from birth mothers too.

It's also interesting that, when you find sites about adoption, ALL the rhetoric is about the concerns for those poor, childless couples (and I don't mean to make light at ALL of the heartbreak of infertility), and those poor, abandoned babies...with NO mention of the woman who stressed her body and mind and soul: the birthmothers are rendered, with great consistency, INVISIBLE, their brood-mare-status as non-human and unimportant solidified over and over. I am here to say that, as an adopted child who adores her mom, MY BIRTHMOTHER MATTERS and her pain and struggles matter, and she did not exist just to provide my (wonderful) mother with a much-wanted and much-loved child. So, there, anti-choice, restrictive lobbyists. /ETA

And, I say again, I HATE my culture sometimes.
Tags: abortion, adoption, ads, feminism, links, rage, rape, women
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