One Whose Honesty is Stronger Than Her Fear

Subject:	YULETIDE!!!
Time:	12:41 pm.
Mood:	grateful.

I am WELL pleased with the fic I wrote this year, and my betas and friends who read over it for me have told me it is excellent work, and I agree. YAY! I LOVE having people who will really EDIT with and for me.

Then. THEN! I got Cagney and Lacey fic! It's got beautiful imagery and structure, nails BOTH ladies' mannerisms and voices PERFECTLY. It's Chris's POV, so it's got all the reflection and then pushing aside of any emotional reflection to avoid addressing it...it's SO good.

If you ever watched, or ever loved, or ever enjoyed this show, GO READ this.

"Examination of Conscience," by Anonymous Yulegoat for ME!
Cagney and Lacey
Christine Cagney, Mary Beth Lacey
light on plot, heavy on character study, beautiful use of language, thoughtful and knowledgeable approach to religious reflection, lovely side character notes, fantastic detail work throughout.
Does a wonderful job reflective, abrupt, grumpy, avoidant, in-your-face, sensitive, repressed Christine.

Definitely read.

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Subject:	Feeling better and just happy
Time:	12:44 pm.
Mood:	grateful.

Do you know what I'm LOVING?

I. Feel. Good.

I felt like crap yesterday...everything ached, I had a headache, my neck just HURT...and I was so so tired.

Today, after, like, 16? hours of sleep on a heating pad? My neck is relaxed, my headache is gone, my body is relaxed, and, as has been the case for a couple of days, breathing is easy. I can speak in my normal voice, at typical volumes, even loudly if I want/need to...and I don't pay for doing so. I'm so SO grateful for prednisone and Advair and zomig (migraine pills) and ACCESS TO HEALTHCARE. So grateful.

My tea this morning was perfect. There is raspberry cream cheese coffee cake in the house that I got to have with tea. I have pita and bananas to use to make Masoob. My kids are happy and awesome. The weather and air are cool. It's autumn. It's a lovely, LOVELY day, in my favorite month, in my favorite time of year.

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Subject:	Dear Yulegoat!
Time:	8:25 pm.
Mood:	creative.

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Subject:	Good Eats Good News
Time:	10:11 am.
Mood:	satisfied.

In July, I went down to Carbondale to be with Jenn for a few days. She and her daughter and I went to the new middle eastern restaurant in town and my FAVORITE was the dessert: Masoub. It's also called Masoob or Malikia. I looked up a few recipes and then kit-bashed them to better fit what we had had. This is how I am doing it:

Masoub/Malikia

3-4 somewhat overripe bananas, sliced into 1-inch thick disks
8 whole wheat pita (or other flatbread or dried out wheat bread or equivalent amount of hard wheat bread), diced into cubes of 1-2 cm
3-6 tsp butter
1/4-1/2 c dried dates (optional)
1/4-1/2 c honey
1 pint heavy cream
qishta/clotted cream/white pastry cream (also sold as "Puck Cream" which is a brand)
slivered almonds for garnish (optional...I've not used these, but it looks lovely and yummy)

Melt butter in large skillet. Place banana slices in butter on high heat, carmelize, turn over, carmelize the other side.

Add cubed bread and dried dates, stir. Drizzle honey over the whole thing in a checkerboard pattern (to taste...if you like it sweet, add more, if you like it medium sweet, be more cautious). Stir.

Add heavy cream, stir. Allow to cook down until cream is absorbed and cooked away. Turn to brown bread evenly. Not all will be browned, but having some browned gives it a nice combination of textures.

Spoon masoub into individual bowls. These may be stored, covered, in the fridge for several days. Add qishta when you are going to eat it. I prefer the masoub warm with room temperature or cold qishta for contrast.

If you can't find qishta, you can make it like you would make white pastry cream (something I had never heard of), or you can just pour heavy cream over the masoub (which isn't as good, but which is quite nice if it's what you've got).

This is great as a breakfast, with tea, as a dessert... MMmmm.

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Subject:	Why we teach!
Time:	8:11 pm.
Mood:	chuffed to bits.

I had a student from TEN YEARS ago write me the following last night:

"I was in the process of writing you a very detailed message about how your awesome teaching influenced--and continues to influence me today. It was lost because of my crappy phone.

"I wrote a Genre Analysis piece on Beyonce's "Formation". It was the most radical thing that I've ever written in an academic setting. I remembered when you told my dad that I had a lot of work that I wouldn't let people read. It made me think about how I tend to not let people read my work.

"My professor suggested that I enter the piece into a contest for Writing, Rhetoric, and Discourse at DePaul.

"The courage to do that (because every one who writes feels scared at some point) came from my memory of you talking to my dad.

"It's weird. I've always been told that I write well. However, all of that writing has been within very constricted parameters. I took a serious chance with the paper that I spoke of. It was supposed to be a genre analysis. I turned it into an analysis of genre that ventured into power dynamics, race, and mainstream media. My professor was definitely concerned about my choice (it took the assignment to the brink of what my professor actually wanted) but I followed through with it. I frantically waited for the grade. Then, I got an email from the professor stating that it was an excellent paper and analysis and urging me to enter it into the English and Writing, Rhetoric, and Discourse competition.

"Talk about validation!

"Writing pieces like that is all that I've wanted to do for so long. I needed the courage (remembering that convo between you and my dad) and the validation that those pieces are effective.
"The truth is that my writing was improved by your teaching.

"I'm on top of the world. You should be as well!"

*BEAM*

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Subject:	Tech Support and Kids
Time:	8:39 pm.
Mood:	quixotic.

HEEEEE!!!!

Elf just called Ben for tech support. He was like, "Eh. I dunno."

So my kid came to ME, the #OldFart.

The screen had changed orientation, so I just went to display settings and changed it back to landscape from portrait (after asking if the kid was sure they didn't want it landscape-upside-down..which they declined).

Took me a full 1 1/2 minutes.

Chalk one up for #TechSupportMom!

In other news #IVotedToday, and I'm watching the returns...and hoping.

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Subject:	Lovely Christmas
Time:	9:17 pm.
Mood:	loved.

I am still having a GREAT holiday!

We came to Jenn's, had Christmas, did gifts, everyone is happy (even my son who got almost nothing because we didn't know what he wanted, he didn't need anything, and he couldn't come up with anything to ask for).

I have cooked and cooked and cooked and organized. We had a 20-pound turkey with stuffing (in the bird, of course), sweet potatoes, 10 lbs of mashed potatoes, corn, peas, cranberry sauce-jelly, and rolls and rolls and rolls (I made two 72-count bags, on two different days...everyone goes through them like candy...which they essentially are). I've made 4 pumpkin pies (two I forgot to put sugar in and while we ate one, I ended up throwing one away)....well, 5 now, as there's a new one in the oven. I just made a gingerbread cake (and didn't burn it or overcook it!). And I made a turkey pot pie with leftovers that was AMAZING for dinner tonight.

I've done LOTS of dishes (and enjoyed the quiet, zen process...gotta re-lotion my hands...) about 6 loads of laundry (which I made all four kids work together to fold).

All seven of us went out to see Star Wars together, four of us for the second time, the other three for the first. I loved it as much--or more--the second time.

I've read fic (not as much as I meant to, but rather a bit), and we've watched 3 movies on DVD: Spy, which I really enjoyed and found hilarious; What We Did On Our Holiday a Scottish dysfunctional family film with David Tennant and Billy Connelly; and While You Were Sleeping, which it had been far too long since I'd seen. It was great to watch WYWS and be able to enjoy it rather than be angry that I was as lonely as I was the first time I saw it, when I hated it because it made me even more aware of being lonely. Now I have people again and can enjoy it. (I also can't quite process that the movie is TWENTY YEARS OLD.)

Everyone else is getting antsy, but I could stay and stay. I think I'd enjoy being a housewife fora while. Meanwhile, we got some good stuff done, and we're leaving the space better than we found it. #goodgirlscout

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Subject:	I have posted!
Time:	1:45 am.
Mood:	accomplished.

After fighting with my brain a LOT, I got my Yuletide story posted.

It was not the story I'd planned to write. It was not the story I intended to write. But I do like it, and I managed to get it DONE.

I've got to remember that writing dialogue is easier and faster for me than writing narrative.

I wish I weren't struggling so much to get stuff WRITTEN. I'd like to write but I'm just not in a zone. I'll try again tomorrow to do another story, or to do some Yuletide Madness.

I'm just so happy that I successfully Wrote A Story and that I didn't lose Yuletide this year like I did last year.

Here's hoping I get more writing mojo back.

I think I'm going to go to bed; I'm twitchy and tired and not accomplishing anything.

YAY, Yuletide!

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Subject:	Pottery Update
Time:	8:57 pm.
Mood:	creative.

I'm still taking pottery classes. Still loving it. All the stuff that I showed in process has now been fired in the high fire kiln (which can only be used when it's cool enough outside to make it safe to have something going that hot).

I've now completed:

a set of cylinders

a set of 6 matching mugs with pulled handles

a set of 6 matching plates

a trio of vessels where you open the vessel and then collar it closed at the top to make a lidded item

I'm still working on (forever, you know?) the fine-tuning of centering, which the instructor says I do well, but I want to do it better. I'm working on opening the vessel more evenly, on pulling the walls up more evenly. There's just a LOT of practice that goes into, "Let's be BETTER at this." That said, I LOVE the products I can make.

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Subject:	Happy Thanksgiving
Time:	7:31 pm.
Mood:	full.

I'm thankful for the cooperation and support and help of the whole family in making dinner.

I'm rather despairing of HOW to put away all this food...and how the HELL to put it away once the turkey has become ALSO soup and pot pies....

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Subject:	Dear Yulegoat
Time:	11:00 pm.
Mood:	excited.

Dear Yulegoat,

Thank you for writing for me! I love all three of these shows, and although I've babbled at greater length about one, that doesn't mean I wouldn't equally love a story for one of the others. I love canon compliant fic. I prefer stories that focus on female characters and/or are told from a female character's POV.

Some theme/story elements I particularly enjoy: emotionally complex relationships between difficult/different people, found family, identity issues, grief and coping with loss, positioning oneself with regard to conflict with family, and snarky dialogue.

Do Not Wants: AUs of the "What if they were all high school students/baristas/circus performers/etc?" variety, A/B/O or other "soulmate" tropes, supernatural stuff in canons where supernatural stuff is not canon.

My largest focus is always, always, always on the characters, with the plot just there (even as a wisp) to get us to the next character moment. I am a relentless canon whore and love to see references to the details from the show and stories that are embedded in the timeline of the show that they can slip tidily into canon. I hope this gives you some idea of what I enjoy, and I hope you have fun writing!

Thank you again for writing for me!

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Subject:	Trope meme
Time:	8:22 pm.
Mood:	amused.

Ganked from

astrogirl2, I did the Rank Your Trope Meme.

Watch the numbers on ranking and when it Drops Off The Charts...and I'm sure that exactly no one will be surprised.

1. Fake dating/fake marriage accidentally turns into feelings

1. Hurt/comfort

1. Groundhog day/karmic time warp

1. Trapped in an elevator/snowed-in cabin/etc.

1. Friends to lovers

1. Magical connection (telepathy, etc.)

7. Adopting/Raising a baby

7. Found families

9. Amnesia

9. Fake-out Make-out

9. Selfcest (possibly due to time travel)

12. Seemingly unrequited pining

13. Sex pollen

14. Royalty/Arranged Marriage

14. Coffee House/Food Service AU

14. High school/Uni AU

14. Soulmate Identifying marks

14. Actually unrequited Pining

14. Role Reversal AU

14. Espionage AU

14. Incest

14. Reincarnation/25-Lives AU

14. A/B/O

14. Rivalmancy

14. Loyalty Kink

14. Age difference (possibly due to time travel)

28. Vampires/Werewolves AU

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Subject:	Pottery Update, August
Time:	3:45 am.
Mood:	creative.

I do not think my love for being at the pottery studio can be sufficiently described.

Ben goes on Thursday afternoons and, although he talks about it like a grumpy old man, he is clearly enjoying it and is obsessed with getting his pieces PERFECT. He just brought home his first completed piece today!

For the summer I get to be there for four hours on Tuesday (10-2) and then 3 hours on Thursdays, just like during the school year. The teacher teases me about having a wild production line going because, well, it's my way: I do the same thing over and over to try and get REALLY good at it. I'm about to get to do another task!

I've completed cylinders, AND I've pulled handles on PILES of cylinders. I've completed plates. Next I get to pull up a vessel and collar it until it closes at the top, THEN the top is cut off to make a lidded vessel! That will be my fall work. :-)

So...many samples to share photos off!

I've got 2 more spiral/labyrinth plates to make to have a set. After that, I think I want to just throw the plates; it's MUCH easier than having to roll them out in slabs. I've got a couple of ideas for square boxes, though I may just throw a vessel and then warp it into having "sides."

We'll see. I've already signed up for both Autumn sessions.

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Subject:	Bones: Final Nail in the Coffin?
Time:	1:57 am.
Mood:	pissed off.

So...here is the lowdown on October 29th on FOX, which might break me from Bones once and for all:

Now...I know I shouldn't be surprised after (how many?) seasons of them phoning it in. I KNOW this. I should have broken up with the show years ago. And I understand that I STILL CAN break up with them. But I do still care about the characters and I still want to see what happens to them and I still want things to go and end well for them. HOWEVER.

So, since I think it's called for, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLxqKWV98Uk. "You may have your heart in this, but, like us, you'd better let go... We used to love to tell stories, but now we don't recall what for... We're way past believing in anything we do... And if by chance we crash, we'll say it's what we'd always planned."

*grumble* "The Fandom Anthem" indeed.

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Subject:	More Pottery!!!
Time:	10:43 pm.
Mood:	artistic.

These are the pieces I have at home as of tonight, minus the 3 I've given away. The straighter brown cup there is already spoken for.

So here's hoping I can keep some of this stuff alive...and maybe even get FOOD! I've already managed to kill a couple of the herbs in the house...too much water...not enough water....this was easier when I was a kid!

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Subject:	Gardening! I did gardening!
Time:	9:51 pm.
Mood:	accomplished.

Two years ago, I had Husband remove the overgrown AWFUL bushes in front of the house. I hated those bushes. I was going to plant the front garden with vegetables and flowers...ALL the flowers.

I'm so so happy we pulled out those awful bushes!

And tomorrow night is POTTERY!!!!

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Subject:	Pottery!
Time:	11:02 pm.
Mood:	artistic.

So....I found a pottery class at one of our local park district locations. There is honest-to-gods a cheap, Park District sponsored class with All The Clay and POTTERS' WHEELS!!!

I've wanted to throw pots since I was, like, 8!!!

I've got photos of what I've done so far...

I am LOVING LOVING LOVING this. I'm living for every Monday AND Thursday (because I'm going twice a week for 3 hours each time). I LOVE it and am looking forward to each trip and have more proects in mind than I know what to do with. I also have LOVELY labyrinth patterns that I want to use on some things!

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Subject:	Fri- er...Thursday, dammit
Time:	6:10 pm.
Mood:	grumpy.

I am deeply offended and betrayed by the fact that It Is Not Friday Today.

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Subject:	Yuletide Bear Report
Time:	6:32 pm.
Mood:	hopeful.

I am quite fond of my story. Now all I have to do is FINISH it.

I had to get a short extension on Yuletide due to being very sick this week and sleeping LOTS and breathing little, but I will have it done.

My bears? They spent this morning, when I was trying to produce a complete draft, licking my feet so the tickling distracted me. They then plunked down and slept all day in my bed with me. They're awfully friendly this year, unlike to nom on me, just...not helping with The Cause.

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